Christmas.... crafting and other stuff

I've just come from the shops after joining the crazy crowds to grab a few things for christmas gifts for my immediate family and it was interesting to see the different reactions/attitudes of different shoppers. From the stressed out, hurried mum who had five children with her trying to rangle kidlets and find the right sized shirt to the little old lady who stood in the christmas decoration isle for ages just looking and touching all the different deccies. It made me think about how I perceive christmas and particularly the gift giving aspect of the season.

I think I'm fairly lucky - I have a small, immediate family and a select group of close friends who I will be buying/making/baking for but even then I've found myself caught up and stressing. Is what I'm giving worth/as good as what that person will get me? Am I spending too much (ha! hardly likely!)/too little? Is what I'm making good enough? I hate that I have those doubts. In terms of family I'm not making much, they don't appreciate the time/effort/energy that goes into handmade so this year I can't really be bothered. Remeber the christmas sock monkeys of last year? They are disgusting. Absolutely foul. The stuffing is coming out, they are stained, stink and are just generally revolting so I've decided to make new ones this year with some swishy merino socks. I'm hoping that the improved sock quality will result in improved monkey quality but we'll wait and see.

Anyway, the whole point of my post was to nut out this christmas thing. Why do I feel the need to conform to the consumeristic christmas? Why do I have this anxiety that what I give won't be good enough? Why has this consumerism culture taken the joy and fun out of christmas and replaced it with self doubt and concern?

This christmas seems to be hard for me and it's not even December yet! I've got anxiety over the gift issues, concern over going away and how the kids will handle christmas away from the family and worried that this will be my last christmas with my nanna. I think it's probably the last issue that is weighing most heavily on my mind. I don't want christmas to come because I don't want to be a step closer to losing her ;-(