Saturday, December 27, 2008
We'll be back in about a fortnight or so! Will lots of piccies and stories to share I'm sure!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Results came out today. Very very seriously not happy.
Onto bigger and brighter things I have been super efficient and organised in the past few weeks getting lots of stuff in my life sorted out. Much christmas crafting has been occuring and I am actually feeling well prepared for the event. I did have a slight brain snap last night and invited both of my biological parents to lunch. At the same time. On christmas day. I think I've gone mad. Certifiably mad. Anyway, I'm now off to trawl the mags to put together a christmas day feast. Wish me luck because I'm bloody well going to need it!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Sometimes I feel like I'm on a crazy roller coaster ride - a confident, strong, independent, capable woman who knows her place in the world one moment but then things happen and the seeds of doubt creep in and I feel like a scared and worried little girl. I think part of this is that I do not know any other single parents - actually I don't know any single people, parents or otherwise and I wish I did. I wish I could talk to someone about the doubts, the lonely feelings, the empty parts because I did have it once. The happiness, the laughter, the warm body next to me at night time, the shoulder to cry on, the strength of a man who took care of me, loved me and was my rock. Now though I'm plauged by the 'what ifs'. What if what happened hadn't?
Would I have a life? Would we not think twice about calling friends to do things on the weekends without worrying about interrupting their 'family' time? Would I hear the quietness of the house at night and every creak and crackle without worrying how I might be able to protect my family? Would I have someone to do the RTA furniture? Would I have someone to change the tyres, check the oil and all that blokey stuff? Would I be invited to things that seem to be 'coupled' friends only events? Would I be a better, happier, less resentful mother? Would I be me? Who knows... but I know that it hurts. It really hurts to have known the happiness that another person can bring to your life but have it taken away. It hurts to go to bed at night, watch something funny on telly and not have anyone to share it with. It feels so empty to watch your child do something for the first time or have them say and/or do something funny, turn around and have no-one to share it with. This sucks.
and George - it's not about the washing.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
So it got packed with a few other little goodies and went on it's merry way...
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
I love her but it has taken some time.
She was taken to the NICU and I was sewn up. One of my most outstanding memories of the time was laying in recovery after the operation had finished. Charlotte's dad was with her (at my request - I didn't want her to be alone!) and I was laying in recovery crying because it was all so wrong. I had just had a baby but she wasn't with me, she was here too early. It was all just so surreal. Hospital wasn't nice for me - the lady in the bed next to me was really lovely but she had her baby there with her and I didn't. I had to walk all the way to the NICU to see her which wasn't nice post-c-section anyway but I didn't get to have the snuggles, crying, nappies or any of it. We did get her home much earlier than anyone had expected so in the end it all worked out. Or so I had thought.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Pattern - Radiating Star Blanket
Needles - 7mm
The yarn usage is rather deceptive - I got to round 59 on the first ball and then ran out of yarn so it's actually 10 rows smaller than it should have been. I'm happy with this though and it was only 4 nights of work so it went by really quickly.
Oh and because I'm such a mean mum.....
Charlotte with a head cold. Not a happy chappy!
I was at Spotty's and found some half decent fabric for boys and needed some for some christmas sewing but I couldn't resist a rainbow skull fabric for Izaak. I'm normally not really into skulls but the rainbow colours had me! Of course as soon as the hem was finished Charlotte started asking for her own 'pirate pants' but I didn't have enough fabric. Some 'creative' moments and they were off to pirate a ship to a far far far far far away (according to Izaak!) island to find some treasure.
The garden is looking relatively good with flowers on the lemon tree and for the first time tonight I'm eating burritos with home grown lettuce! Yay for me :-)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
When you're a teenager complaining about having a cannula put in your hand to get drugs that will fix a very treatable disease it seems disasterous but just down the hallway there is a baby who has already had more than five operations and will endure a lifetime of complicated medical problems and will never live a 'normal' life yet smiles at the staff who are come to give him more painful procedures. Perspective.
I think my life is tough sometimes and juggling uni, kids, housework, study etc is draining but another student doing the same course as me has five children and home and works a part time job as well. Again - it's all about perspective.
This too is all about perspective and sometimes I think we should take a step back, look at the life we have rather than what we don't have and be thankful for it.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Izaak was developmentally normal up to around his third birthday when he lost his social skills, stopped talking and generally started developing all his autistic traits. I love my son, I absolutely adore every single day that I wake up and have him in my life but I am also realistic enough to know that he will struggle to operate in 'normal' society and he will face many challenges throughout his life.
Charlotte turns 3 in less than a fortnight. I'm scared. and anxious and worried. Of course sharing this with my family is useless because, as usual, they don't understand me - the alcohol thing is exactly the same! grrr! - and can't see why I would be worried. I know that the chances are smaller because she is a girl and she is ahead of her milestones and blah blah blah blah blah but what if all that changes? What if suddenly I become the full time studying while single parenting two autistic children. How on earth am I going to manage? What will become of my sanity? My life? My future?
I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself here but I can't help it. It is causing me a fair deal of anxiety lately. Now I'm at a point where I just have to accept that things will be what they will be and life will go on no matter what happens. Now knowing that I have to accept it and getting to that point of acceptance is two entirely different things!
Friday, October 17, 2008
So at 9am we'll be heading off to the hairdresser to see if it is at all possible to some how sort out the crazy mess that her head is now in. Today I'll be moving all the scissors to a higher shelf where she can't reach them although I'm reluctant too because it means that Izaak, who hasn't done anything wrong, can't access them either.
Funnny thing? She's just had her 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 year checks done and the only thing that she isn't doing well at? Yep - scissor skills!
So tonight I've sat down and made a few lists of things that need to get organised and made before school finishes. Uni comes to an end in the next fortnight so I'll have a few (5 I worked out!!) weeks of kid-free time before the end of uni and the end of school during. So I will have 5 weeks to create masterpieces of craftiness for the family/friends.
I'm planning on some oven mitts for my dad, possibly a beer cozy for my mum, socks for my sister to wear under her work shoes, shorts for nephews x 2, possibly a cape or two for my little treasures (I really like this pattern too because it moves away from the licensed character stuff), some house/bed socks for my nanna and a beanie for my other dad. There are a few other baked goodies and little nick nack sorts of thingies. I want to get the kids to paint onto some canvas bags as well this year and give those as well. I'm really trying to avoid buying new as much as possible.
So... what are you planning for your loved ones this festive season? I'd love to hear!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Thinking about the things that we do in our home...
- We are clothed from the op-shop around 90% of the time (underwear and shoes are my must-have-new items though)
- Changed from paper napkins and tissues to hankies and proper cloth napkins
- Cloth nappied Charlotte (and it's been rubbing off!)
- We are trying to have one day (Sat/Sun) where we don't use the car. I'm definitely finding this one the hardest! We're close enough to walk to town but if we want to see mum or dad we have to drive over to see them.
- Limiting the use of cling wraps etc and trying to use plastic containers more for storage
- Buying in bulk for things like rice/flour/potatoes to try and cut down on the packaging - same thing with yoghurt. I used to buy the 6 little tubs but we're now getting the 1kg pack and decanting this into little containers.
- Making my own cleaning products - I use the kitchen one and have been using the concentrated laundry soap recipe for a few months now
Then I think about what the kids are exposed to while they're away from me
- For Izaak - the ads on TV are a killer. Every toy, every take away - he has to have. I'm not sure if it's an age thing or an autistic thing but he can't see/understand that things aren't literal - i.e an ad for KFC uses the tage "keeps the family happy" so recently when something was bothering me he told me we had to have KFC for dinner because it will make us as a family happy. I hate the exploitation of children through messages like these and am contemplating getting rid of the TV again for a while.
- My family - As a household with 3 adults and 2 children under the age of 3, they generate around 480 litres of garbage - A WEEK!. Yep - 2 big bin fulls. They do have 2 children in disposables full time but the food wastage in their house is unreal.
I have to admit though that while in the past I've been able to stick to my anti-buying stance, recently I've been caught up in the need-to-have-it or it's-a-bargain lures of yarn. I really don't need it and while some good fortunes have meant I've been able to afford it I'm now feeling terribly guilty about the ridiculous amount of yarn I have compared to the amount of knitting that I actually get done. So I've got an order in for some Bendy cotton with a friend and another fellow knitter was nice enough to get me some yarn on her recent holiday but I am pledging that there will not be any more yarn coming into this house until next year. I don't need any more and I've just let myself get caught up in the excitement/rush of buying and having stuff which is what I have been trying to avoid! Interesting thought really.... why does buying make me feel so good? Even when it's stuff I don't really need. Anyway, if you're interested in the issues around stuff, consumerism, consumption and the like this video is worth a look.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
From the top....
1) The Yarn Cafe - Bluefaced Leicester 4ply Superwash Sock. Colourway - "Evoke"
Plan - Forest Canopy Shawl
2) The Yarn Cafe - Shetland Chunky 14ply gradient dye. Colourway - "Sunset"
Plan - Neckwarmer?
3) Waratah Fibres - Laceweight 2 ply. Colourway - "Tranquil waters"
Plan - Summer lace knitting project
4) The Yarn Cafe - Single Ply Merino Worsted. Colourway - "Rocky Creek"
Plan - ?????