Sunday, October 19, 2008

Birthday anxiety

Many a time I've talked about my blog being my therapist and lately I've been feeling anxious and need a therapy session...

Izaak was developmentally normal up to around his third birthday when he lost his social skills, stopped talking and generally started developing all his autistic traits. I love my son, I absolutely adore every single day that I wake up and have him in my life but I am also realistic enough to know that he will struggle to operate in 'normal' society and he will face many challenges throughout his life.

Charlotte turns 3 in less than a fortnight. I'm scared. and anxious and worried. Of course sharing this with my family is useless because, as usual, they don't understand me - the alcohol thing is exactly the same! grrr! - and can't see why I would be worried. I know that the chances are smaller because she is a girl and she is ahead of her milestones and blah blah blah blah blah but what if all that changes? What if suddenly I become the full time studying while single parenting two autistic children. How on earth am I going to manage? What will become of my sanity? My life? My future?

I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself here but I can't help it. It is causing me a fair deal of anxiety lately. Now I'm at a point where I just have to accept that things will be what they will be and life will go on no matter what happens. Now knowing that I have to accept it and getting to that point of acceptance is two entirely different things!


Bells said...

The alcohol thing???

This sounds tough. I have no practical advice because, well, I just can't possibly, but I'm here as a sounding board for coping strategies, sanity lunches etc. Just say the word.

Leonie said...

You are a parent, it's your job to worry. Thinking in advance about the things that may befall our offspring helps us to cope better if and when such things happen because we have thought through the pros/cons/possibilities in advance. It's like those weird ass dreams you have when you are pregnant, it's all designed to get us to think about stuff so that we aren't so surprised when the unexpected crops up. No matter what happens with your daughter she has someone who loves her and has her best interests at heart and that ultimately is all that matters. Good luck with getting through her birthday and the next few months and remember there are others thinking good thoughts for you.

Georgie said...

Very sage words Leonie. And Bec you know that, although I can't practically do anything much, I'm here when you need anything at all. I wish I could take your worries onto my shoulders, even for a little while.

Deb said...

The words you write are so true, there is nothing you can do, what ever will be, will be.
But it doesn't stop the "mind chatter" when you are alone at night with no-one to talk to.

When that mind chatter starts to speak tell it to STOP and then say:

"My children are blessed with a beautiful strong mother who loves and cherishes them. No matter what comes our way I will always be there for them and for myself"

Then take a deep breath pick up your knitting and trust in the process of life.

I know that is easier said than done, I too need to listen to myself...